Valentine’s Day Bash

Well let’s see, I think Valentine’s Day is really stupid for a lot of reasons. First of all, those couples aren’t being “cute”; they are being disgusting. Secondly, I have always had horrible experiences on Valentine’s Day. For example, one time I had two valentines (‘cause I’m just that popular) and one of them gave me this pretty cool heart shaped glass necklace. When I went to put it on, the heart fell off onto the ground and completely shattered! It was so embarrassing and  I almost cried. I felt so bad, you have no idea. It just ruined my whole day, especially when my other “valentine” didn’t get me anything! Horrible, horrible, horrible! And another time, a long, long time ago, my sister (who was in kindergarten at the time) came home on Valentine’s Day with all this stuff from her “boyfriends” and I hadn’t gotten anything (!) from anyone, not even friends. And then, to make things worse, another little boy came to the door with a bundle of roses and chocolates for her. I WAS SO MAD (hence the all capital letters).

I also think it’s pointless for people to get all wrapped up in Valentine’s Day because it’s stupid. Even the candy is extremely gross and you get so much chocolate you gain 100,000,000,000,000,000 pounds (to save you the trouble of counting, that’s 100 quintillion).  That isn’t cute. Plus those little heart things, Sweethearts, are gross! FYI, no one actually ever eats those because they taste like barf.

People always complain about how they need to lose weight and it’s like everyone’s new year’s resolution but then Valentine’s Day comes along and ruins it! No one can escape the temptation of all those sweets! It pretty much crushes hopes and dreams of achieving life long goals!

Another huge problem is movies about Valentine’s Day. They portray it all wrong. Obviously none of that mushy stuff ever happens. It’s basically false advertisement when you really think about it. It would be just peachy if some man came and swept me off my feet and took me to some magical place where everything is perfect, but umm guess what? THAT NEVER HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE! People, get your life together. If you’re sitting around waiting for your lover to come and “rescue” you on Valentine’s day, don’t.

Even though this is one of the worst celebrated holidays, it is very, very lame and it is inexcusable to have an Anti-Valentine’s Day party. Come on, people, that’s stupid. I mean, I guess Valentine’s Day isn’t ALL bad. I guess there might be something positive about it. I just can’t think of anything!

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Allison Dreggors

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