In Love But Ignored

You passed me? Why? I thought I meant more to you than that?

I’m not your typical female. I tend to stay really reserved. I don’t share my feelings, I don’t open up about how I feel. Most people take that as if i’m being mean or that I don’t care about them, but it’s just my character.

As most young woman I’ve been through a lot of abuse…mentally, I mean. I’ve been flipped, flopped, turned, and toyed with. As a result, I refuse to let anyone have their way with me ever again. I promised myself that in any kind of relationship I may ever have, I will not allow anyone to hurt me or get to close. This way they believe they have a level of reign on me.

Recently, I had a acquaintance I cared for. I believe he knew this, and, deep down, I hope he did. He became tired of how it seemed-as if he was putting in more effort than me. He believed that I didn’t care for him, so because he felt ignored, he ignored me. When I would look for him he’d pass right by me, and talk to his other friends before even acknowledging me near him, leaving me for last.

Now you may think “what the heck; why are you getting mad over something that stupid” etc, but what no one understands is- I know I’m complicated (and I verbally admitted this) and he still took the chance on me and thought he could handle my character. I appreciate the effort, but I refuse to allow someone to bash my character because they can’t tame or change it, so when people do that to me I don’t take that lightly.

I may think very little of my appearence but as for my worth as a human it surpasses anyones love for themselves. So I closed myself off. I built a wall, bridge, dam, mountain, whatever you want to put there to protect my feelings from growing for someone who refused to understand and accept that I am different and that I quite frankly don’t fall in love in two weeks as do other girls.

He took for granted that I was trying to open up. To be someone that he needed. I let go of myself to allow him in, but instead he became comfortable. Believed I was like every other girl he’s met and been with. That he had me under his spell and that whatever he wanted to do or however he wanted to treat me I’d accept. Wrong.

I refuse to be treated averagely. I am a treasure. I am a jewel; I am unique. Whether anyone else on God’s green earth believes it or not. I know what I can offer to that one guy I’m supposed to be with. That gift of love, I will not give to just any boy.

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