Post a Joke and Win

Hey Garner Yearlings!  Post your favorite joke in the comments section HERE for a chance to win a $15 iTunes gift card.  You can post until Tuesday, April 30 and the joke MUST be SCHOOL APPROPRIATE!  Enter as many times as you like.  Make sure your log in name is listed as your first and last name for your chance to win.  The Campus News class will announce the winner on the Thursday, May 2 morning announcements. This contest is only open to current Garner students.

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34 thoughts on “Post a Joke and Win

  1. Three People were in a helicopter. One was a kid with a lunchbox another was a chef with a spoon and the last was a army guy with a grenade. So the kid with the lunchbox said “I have 20 more of these at home” and then threw his lunchbox out of the helicopter. Later a kid on the street was crying and a guy walked up and asked why he was crying. the kid replied “because I just got hit in the head with a lunchbox” Later in the helicopter the chef said “I have plenty of these at the restaurant” he then threw the spoon of the helicopter. The kid on the street was crying again and a women came up and asked why he was crying and the kid told her “I just got hit in the head with a spoon” Later the army man said “I have tons of these at the base” he then threw the grenade of the helicopter. Now the kid was laughing and a man came up and asked him why he was laughing and the kid replied “Because I farted and my house exploded”

  2. There was a man and his wife. The man’s name was Rudolph the Red. One day, he looked up at the sky and said, “It’s going to rain today.” His wife looked at him strangely and asked, “How do you know that?” He simply replied, “Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

  3. It was Thanksgiving again, and once again the Turkey and the Mutton were sitting on the table, waiting to be eaten. So, to make conversation, the Turkey said to the Mutton, “What’s up?” The Mutton replied, “Mutton much!”

  4. A koala walks into a bar and orders his food. He eats his food. When he is done he pulls out a gun and shoots a hole in the wall. The koala leaves. One of the people in the bar asks the bar tender “what just happened?” “The bar tender says look up koala in the dictionary.” so they look up koala and the dictionary says “eats chutes and leafs.”

  5. In his class at school, Little Jimmy was always causing trouble and constantly trying to find a way to get out of class. One day, he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom in the middle of an important lesson.
    Thinking it was one of his usual excuses,his teacher replied, “I’ll let you go if you can recite your ABC’s in front of the whole class.” He started quickly. “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z. Now can I go?!?!?”
    His teacher says, ” Wait, you missed one…….. which one was it?”
    Then Jimmy says,” P! And its running down my leg!!!”

  6. There were three people a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were being chased by cops. They each jumped into three separate sacks. The brunette was in a sack of apples. When they got to his he said “Woof” so they thought he was a dog. He was in a sack of oranges.When they got to the redhead he said “meow” so they thought he was a cat. The blonde was in a sack of potatoes. When they got to the blonde he said ” POTATOES! POTATOES!”. In the end the all got caught.

  7. there was three people a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were tied to a pole. The brunette managed to get his hands untied. They were about shot him. “Ready Aim………” “earthquake!” they hid and he got away. The redhead managed to get his hands untied. “Ready Aim………” “bomb!” they hid and he got away. The blonde managed to get his hands untied. “Ready Aim………..” “Fire!”

  8. there was three people stranded on an island. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Civilization was 20 miles away. They would have to swim. The brunette swam five miles and sank. The redhead swam 10 miles and sank. The blonde swam 19 miles and decided he wanted to go back. He swam for a while then sank.

  9. How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1001… 1 to hold the light bulb in place and 1000 to turn the house.

  10. Q: How far can a dog run into the woods?
    A: Halfway. Once it passes halfway it will be running out of the woods

  11. There was a blone and brunette in a bar. they were watching the 12:00 news and a guy was about to jump off a building. The brunette bet 10 dollars that he would jump, the blonde bets that he wont. He jumps and the blonde gives the brunttee the money but she says “I cant take this i saw the 11:00 news and knew he would jump” the blonde responds “I did to put i didnt think he would jump again!”

  12. 20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
    1. at Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
    2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
    3. Every Time someone asks you to do something, ask if they Want Fries with that.
    4. Put Your Garbage Can on Your Desk and Label it “In”.
    5. Put Decaf in the Coffee Maker for 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
    6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds”.
    7. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With the Prophecy”.
    8. Don’t use any punctuation.
    9. as Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
    10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
    11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go”.
    12. Sing Along At The Opera.
    13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?
    14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
    15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In the Mood.
    16. Have Your Co-workers Address You by Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
    17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”
    18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling “Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!”
    19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”
    20. And the Final Way to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity is to tell everyone this joke!!!

  13. Really Dumb Store labels:
    On a Myer hairdryer:
    “Do not use while sleeping.” (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
    On a bag of Chips:
    “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (The shoplifter special?)
    On a bar of Palmolive soap:
    “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how??)
    On some frozen dinners:
    “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But, it’s just a suggestion).
    On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
    “Do not turn upside down”. (Well…duh, a bit late, huh!)
    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    “Product will be hot after heating”. (And you thought…??)
    On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
    “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
    On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
    “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
    On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.)
    On most brands of Christmas lights:
    “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)
    On a Japanese food processor:
    “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)
    On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
    “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.)
    On artificial bacon:
    “Real artificial bacon bits”. (So we don’t get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
    On a child’s superman costume:
    “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”. (Just shows how stupid some people are. The company has to put that there to stop lawsuits)
    On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
    “Put on fork and eat.” (No! Really? We eat food?!)
    On a Korean kitchen knife:
    “Warning: keep out of children.” (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation)
    On T-Rat (Military food):
    “It’s not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only.” (guess that proves the use of androids in the military)
    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    “Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.” (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
    On a Swedish chainsaw:
    “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.” (Raise your hand if you’ve tried this.)
    On a Japanese soft dink:
    “For even more delicous this drink, chill before drinking. (Ummmmmmm…)
    On a motorized scooter box:
    “Warning: This vehicle moves.” (I think it’s called a MOTORIZED SCOOTER for a reason.)
    Komatsu Floodlight
    “This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark” (Why did I buy it again?)
    “These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe.” (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)
    RCA television remote control
    “Not dishwasher safe.” (Really? Great! That’s the last time I try cleaning it!)
    Road sign
    “Caution: water on road during rain.” (Gasp!)
    Dog food
    “new and improved tasting” (who tests it?)
    Hair coloring
    “Do not use as an ice cream topping.” (Okay, who’s the idiot who tried that?)
    Liquid plummer
    “Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.” (ohhh beverages big word)
    Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter
    “safe to use around pets” (Are you sure?)

  14. Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to wright you up this week, what have you got to say about that?

    student: Thank heavens it’s Friday !

    want more okay……

    Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
    Because his class was so bright !

  15. What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

    The holocaust

  16. Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?

    a teacher says “spit out that gum” and a train says “chew chew!”

  17. why did the chicken do jumping jacks
    A: he wanted to scramble the eggs

  18. Teacher: Name four members of the cat family
    student: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

    a couple more okay…..

    Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze ?
    student: Hot water !

  19. Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
    to get to the same side.

  20. Which knight helped King Arthur build the round table?

  21. Knock Knock
    who’s there?
    brittney spears
    brittney spears who?
    knock knock
    who’s there
    oops i did it again

  22. A boss is like a diaper, always on your butt and usually full of it

  23. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were on a plane.
    The englishman said, “you’d think there would be more people on here.”

  24. A teenager works at Mcdonalds, and old women askes, ”Can I have half a dozen of chicken nuggets?” The teen says, ” Sorry, we only sell 5,6, and 12.” And she says, ” I guess I will have 6 then.”

  25. Boy- The principle is so dumb
    Girl- do you know who i am?
    Boy- no
    Girl- i am the principles daughter
    Boy- do you know who i am?
    Girl- no
    Boy- good (walks away)

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