Parking too close may be a sign of extreme emotional attachment

by Sabrina Williams | Staff Writer

You’re at the movie theatre with a friend, and you’re not terribly old or lazy, so you park at the back where no one else is. Perhaps your car is new, so you don’t want anyone coming near it when you’re not around to hiss at them. Either way, at the end of that movie you come out, and while regretting parking so far out and making yourself walk after being immobile for two hours, you feel like it was worth it. But low and behold down the lot, there’s that one beat up minivan or hybrid getting cozy with your Nissan. Anywhere else it may have been a harmless distance, but not when not another soul is in sight for 10 whole spaces.

But what, you may ask, is the okay range? The best way to judge the right amount of space between you and your parking counterpart would be to guesstimate about a foot or know your real jean size. For one, if you have to climb out of the passenger side or are desperately trying to suck in your gut to get out, you’re doing it wrong. If none of these methods work, you probably shouldn’t have taken driving lessons from your cousin and need to go get a real license.

Something perhaps even more frustrating than someone parking too close is when they leave you a little present. That is, the huge ding or scratch marring the flank of your newly-bought car. You will never be able to unsee it, even though your parents assure you it’s barely noticeable. And you will always remember which parking lot you got it in, what day, and the ugly brown color of that minivan that got too friendly with the side of your Honda.

The fact is, if you’re parking that close to someone else in a parking lot, you have issues. For some hidden reason, you feel the strong urge to sit yourself down right up against the only other car in the parking lot. Is it because it’s brand new and it irks you that they purposefully marooned themselves miles from the store door? Are you bothered their car is worth getting exercise more so than yours? Or are you scared of being the only other car in the parking lot?

However, whether we acknowledge it or not, this nuisance easily reaches out into other realms. This is the same person who sits in the stall right next to you in an otherwise empty bathroom. The same person who frequently makes weird eye contact with everyone else. We all know those people. So please don’t be that person.

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