Garden Salsa SunChips are incredible…and are now available at the snack bar line in the cafeteria for 65 cents! One bag, one ounce, one hundred and forty calories of pure deliciousness…I can’t get enough of them. I don’t mind that they’re made of of GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms), and I, OF COURSE, don’t care that they fulfill almost 10% of the recommended daily allowance of total fat (and 5% of saturated fat!). Who actually cares about their health nowadays?! I certainly don’t…especially when they contain absolutely no Vitamin A (I’m already almost legally blind! Not a problem!) or Vitamin C (psh, being sick all the time is awesome)…ambivalence is bliss.
While we’re at it – thank you, Frito Lay, for your semi-responsible packaging. It’s given me an absolutely fantastic justification for littering. This is how it’ll go down:
“BUT IT’S BIODEGRADABLE, SIR!” I’ll say to the district-sanctioned police officer. Haven’t you seen the commercials!?” “No, Miss, I haven’t. Additionally, the packaging offered by the school is not from their biodegradable line, so pick that up and move along,” he’ll say.
At the end of the day, I’ll feel absolutely no remorse. Why? Because SunChips are a flavor sensation without limitation. They make me happy. I’ll ignore the stomachache they gave me. I only care about their unbelievably wonderful taste. After all – love is pain.
Postscript: This is a sarcastic rant about my love-hate relationship with Garden Salsa SunChips. I do not, in any way, condone the consumption of GMOs (they’re bad for you, dawg), and personally highly prefer to eat sea salt and vinegar chips. Any kind. I’m not particular…I just want to pull a Pokemon and have them all.