I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a year – literally a year and still – I’m not sure what to say. I wanted to pour my heart out to y’all – but I can’t. Not quite. Not yet. Truth is that this stage of my life doesn’t feel over – it somehow overlapped the next one and now I’m stuck in an awkward limbo state – almost an adult, almost with responsibilities. Not really, though. Not quite. It still feels like everything in my life has prepared me for this moment, and the next, and then the next one after that – as if I was on the cusp of “living,” but not really. Not quite. Somedays, it feels like the beginning of everything, others, like the start of the continuation of every other day in my life.
Today is no different. It still feels like high school, like yesterday. Like no time has passed between sitting outside of E801 (when it was the debate room) on the steps, nervously practicing my rapid-fire speaking about how everything leads to nuclear war. It still feels like not getting in trouble for coming back home after curfew, or getting emotional support from my parents even when I’ve broken the rules. It still feels like trying too hard to not try too hard, and wishing that I’d been significantly funnier, been brave enough to speak when it mattered, and gotten some practice for standup at Wellesley next year. Why? Because there’s no looking back…and no amount of regret will ever turn the clock.
Thank you to Cardoza for offering us a home, thank you to the staff for participating and having an incredibly open mind, a forgiving heart, and unbelievable cupcake-baking abilities. Thank you to Taylor, my incredible, lovely, fantastic, wonderful Co-editor-in-chief for being a great friend: someone who I can always rant to about my cat-lady-without-the-cats ways.
Real talk: I’ll be here for you guys whenever. I’ve been cold, I’ve been mean – but I’ve been Bad Cop for far too long. Truth is, I love you guys. I love your warmth and enthusiasm and your crazy tendencies. I’m not that good at being sad, so I’ll close the year with the quote that started it all.
“It’s better to be sexy and racy than sexist and racist. Isn’t that a lovely thought?” Stephen Fry said.
I love you guys. I believe in you. Have a great summer…and don’t worry…I’ll be back!