By Kam Whitaker
Daily Life by Anna Maria Warren
I’ve never really felt like I belong, and I know that’s basic, and probably the beginning of every coming of age movie, but it’s the truth. It’s even worse when you don’t feel out of place either. It’s the feeling of never being able to identify where I’m actually supposed to be that throws me off. I wake up every morning and immediately check my phone. I’m not sure if I do it out of habit, or out of the pure fear that I missed something while I was asleep. As I scroll through all the notifications, I swear to myself that one day I’m going to delete social media and fall off the grid, but that day is not today.
I have so much to do, and so little time to do it, which is ironic being I’m only 15. Everyone says I have the rest of my life to do the things I want to do, but I want to do them now. I crave to be something more than just a teenager who questions who they are and writes angst at 2 am, but German makes absolutely no sense. How am I supposed to change the world when I don’t know the right ‘the’ to use for direct objects? It’s just not possible.
I woke up to my alarm, ‘All Star’ by Smash Mouth, and weakly threw my phone, only for it to land on my chest. Sighing, I scrolled through all the unanswered texts and came to the realization that everyone likes me, but no one likes me, and that’s a hard thing to accept. I pushed the comforter off of me, and looked around my room. It’s a mess. A mess that I’ve been too tired to clean for weeks now, so instead of trying to find an outfit to put together in the blob of clothes I’m never going to fold, I decided that today I’m not going to care.
It’s funny, making the conscious decision to not care, because I always end up caring. I’ll throw on jeans and a hoodie, just to add a few things, until I’m no longer wearing a hoodie or jeans, and there’s clean clothes all over my room. You know, one time I changed 16 times in one morning. It was one of those mornings where I said I wasn’t going to care, too. I can’t just not care. Of course I could blame this on being an insecure teenager, but I think it runs way deeper than that.
As I was brushing out my hair I had to question why I can never sleep. They put me on meds just to take me off of them, so instead I drink a monster every morning, and between you and me, I hate the bubbles. It makes my stomach hurt. However, I am also running off of 3 hours of sleep, so I can spare my physical health. My history teacher always tells me it’s gonna kill me one day, and to that I usually say ‘Great! Two in one!’ and he shakes his head and sighs. Of course he shakes his head and sighs. How else do you respond to that? After a while, I realize that I’ve been brushing out my hair for 5 minutes.
After tying my hair up, I brush my teeth, tie my shoes, and go to grab my daily monster. This is my routine. This is my daily life. Wake up. Listen to All Star by Smash Mouth, swear I’m going to change something, but never do, and get ready.
This is where I am.