By: Andrew Ramon
INT. LEONARDO DAVINCI’S ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Leonardo Da’Vinci covers up an unfinished Mona Lisa, then looks up at a clock with a worried expression. He then folds up his sleeve to reveal a futuristic watch and slaps it. The watch makes a sound and he evaporates.
INT. TOWER ON THE MOON – DAY
Leonardo appears at a conference table with several other icons from the Renaissance. From the window they have a view of Earth. Lorenzo De’Medici clears his throat.
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Well look who finally decided to show up.
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Bite me Lorenzo!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Okay, okay, everyone settle down. Now Leonardo, you do know why we called a meeting today?
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Yeah yeah, just get it over with.
NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI
I mean seriously man? Are you trying to let them know we’re aliens?
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Leo… you drew them a picture of a guy… with four arms… and four legs. We’re wearing these costumes so that they do NOT know what we look like, and you pull this crap? You might as well build them a flying machine.
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Well that’s a funny story, you see I had some blueprints for one that I-
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Leo!
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Oh come on! You’re really gonna make a big deal about this? Coperinicus literally told them that the Earth wasn’t the center of the universe!
Everyone turns to Copernicus.
NICOLAS COPERNICUS
Give me a break! They’re what? Billions of years old and they still haven’t figured it out? Didn’t we come here to advance this civilization? I mean if it wasn’t for us they’d still be dealing with the plague!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
No… No Nico. He’s right. That one may have been a little too far.
NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI
Couldn’t be me.
NICOLAS COPERNICUS
Shut the hell up Nick. You’re probably gonna make them all kill each other.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
What was that about Hell?
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Now you!
Everyone looks at Dante.
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
What’d I do?
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
You can’t take one of their religions and write a fanfic about it!
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Yeah you should cool it with all that stuff about Hell. It’s freakin everybody out.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
I’m freaking everyone out? Rene told them they didn’t even exist!
Everyone turns to Rene Descartes.
RENE DESCARTES
Oh nah fam I was thinkin about that, and as I was thinkin, I was all like, if I didn’t exist, how I be thinkin right now? Naw mean?
NICOLAS COPERNICUS
Jesus Rene, almost none of these things think, yet they still exist!
Descartes nods.
RENE DESCARTES
True dat… true dat.
Everyone turns back to Dante and he folds his arms.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
(under his breath) You guys wouldn’t be mad if Shakespeare wrote about Hell.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
What was that mister?
DANTE ALIGHIERI
I didn’t say anything.
NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI
I heard something.
DANTE ALIGHIERI
Okay fine, you can sit there and act all high and mighty, but I heard you stole all of your stories!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
(nervously) Well… that’s outrageous! Anyone who said that is lying!
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Can we please stay focused here? Now Leonardo, do you promise to start doing normal stuff from now on?
Leo rolls his eyes.
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Yeah, okay, get out of my face Mom! I’m literally just painting a regular lady right now. Okay? It’s not even very good but they think it’s amazing! Are you happy now?
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Yes actually. Now when I say no more weird art, that goes for you too Mike. Got it? I don’t wanna see anymore of that pervy biblical stuff.
Everyone turns to Michelangelo wearing sunglasses and with his arms resting behind his head.
MICHELANGELO DI LODOVICO
I do what I want.
LORENZO DE’MEDICI
Ya know what, you’ve got gumption. I like this kid. Okay, meeting adjourned.
LEONARDO DA’VINCI
Wha-
Everyone zaps out and Leo is left there alone.
Art Piece by Autumn Howard