By Kirsten Kraus | staff writer
When someone mentions the word holiday, you brain immediately begins to think of Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and all the other cliche holidays. Nobody ever remembers that almost everyday has a holiday on it. Take Your Houseplant on a Walk Day and Wiggle your Toes Day go unappreciated and uncelebrated every year.
If Pets Had thumbs Day
Date: March 3
Thumbs. Everyone has two of them, hopefully. These magnificent devices allow humans to do so many things that others, like dogs and cats, can’t. As creatures with opposable thumbs, we have the ability to open doors, pick things up, and the most important, compete in thumb wars.
Now, imagine a world where your pets have thumbs. Not only could your pet eat their food with manners, they can open the refrigerator and eat your food as well. They can use their thumbs to text their pet pals they met at the park the other week, and set up a play date. You could finally have that thumb war competition you’ve been dreaming of since second grade with your pets and their handy thumbs.
The things that pets would be able to do with thumbs is unbelievable. Every year on March third, celebrate If Pets Had Thumbs day by sitting with your pets and imagining how much they-the both of you- could accomplish if they had thumbs.
Ditch New Years Resolutions Day
Date: January 17
Even though by January second most people have already given up on their New Years resolutions, this holiday is a day for those that didn’t to ditch their resolutions just for a day. Every year on January 17, the gyms are empty and the drive through line at the nearest fast food place is wrapped around the building. Considering that there are so few people who have kept their resolutions this long, January 17 is a day to emphasize the fact that these people are doing so much better than the rest of us, and to congratulate them on their hard work. Rewarding them with this ditch day will most likely remind them of the life they left behind 17 days ago and make them go back to it, but it is also a day for these people to pat themselves on the back for their two and-a-half weeks of willpower. This holiday separates the strong from the weak, and while the strong are able to resist the temptation to quit, the weak are left behind in a pool of self pity, more commonly known as the pantry.
Evaluate Your Life Day
Date: December 19
On this day, you reflect on the choices you’ve made throughout your life, and think about your future. For some, this day can lead to a period of distress followed by a promise to yourself and everyone around you that you will change your ways. On the other hand, some people will find reassurance on this day by remembering the good decisions they have made. Not only do you think about your choices, December 19th is a day to relive every embarrassing moment, fail, and screw up of your life. Take this day to revaulate your life and think about what you can do to improve or change your future for the better.
Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
Date: March 20
This day is no joke. UFOs scatter the sky, and aliens roam the planet searching for humans to abduct. Start preparing weeks in advance. Stock up on food, water, blankets, and everything else you need to survive. Stay indoors, avoid all windows, and most importantly, do not befriend these creatures. These aliens aren’t ET, and you’re not Elliot. If one asks you for help getting back to their home planet say no, and never allow them to sit in the basket of your bike. Trust no one. Everyone has their own agenda, and you might be on it. The people you think you know could be aliens, so stay away from all forms of life.
Embrace Your Geek-ness Day
Date: July 19
Embrace your inner nerd and celebrate this holiday to the extreme. Pull out the suspenders and glasses and transform yourself into the geek you know you are. The second this day begins, your brain is filled with knowledge and you know pointless facts about giraffes and the details of the French Revolution. This day is in July, so sadly, it wont help you do your math homework. July 19 is similar to the day of Cinderella’s ball. Once the clock strikes midnight, the carriage turns into a pumpkin, horses to mice, and sadly, your knowledge to ignorance. Try your hardest on this day to make the most of your temporary genius, and enjoy it while it lasts.
