Citrus honey

by Nicholas Gebbia


When my head hit the floor I felt the smoke in my lungs 

collide with the oxygen inside the bathroom walls 

Isolated and still 

The eerie sound of silence 

swallowed the attempt of a scream


The sound of my blood 

Metallic and thick 

Dripping on the ground


And The sound of a clock 









15 years I’ve spent trapped in my chrysalis

15 years I’ve built up the courage to pull the trigger 

15 years of the same old song 









I wasn’t scared it was purely instinct

I’ve fought my whole life

And I’ll fight till the day I die 


I will fight 


Until  The clock stops

Until I feel my blood stop 

Until I can let myself  go


The ruby colored life flows from my wrists meeting the sky 

It becomes the stars, it’s all I can see 


10 years ago I told myself that I would make it, 

I told god he would see me succeed, 

and he would regret not listening to me,

                                      They   all   would 

9 months my mother had to carry me, 

a parasite that’s feeding off her, 

I have done what I could to repay her, 

but she took more 


8 times I tried to tell them 

I was 7 


6 In the morning going to school, but I was no longer a child 

5 Christmas’ ago I stopped believing in a god 


Four punches 


I counted to three 


And took two steps 


I can hear the clock One more time 


it goes 

Tick Tick Tick   Tick