by Kaeli Behr
Love is the purest form of torture, and demands the purest form of sacrifice. She knew this. But she had hoped she could be selfish for a little while longer.
(Sent)
My dearest Esmerelda,
I was troubled to hear of your engagement to Sir Florian. Although, I suppose we both knew this day would come. You are simply too beautiful to remain unmarried. Those nights and days with you these past summers have been a dream. We promised to never be separated all those years ago. Do you remember?… I have faith that you do. Regardless, it goes without saying that it would be unwise for you to continue seeing me. You are my sun and my moon. The stars in my sky. You are the very air I breathe, and that is why I must leave you. I love you far too much to put you at risk. Once you are wed, our classes will be so far apart that it would seem unusual for us to speak. In fact, it would be strange for us to even walk the same grounds. You cannot afford a scandal, my light. It would be the end of both of us, and that I simply could not bear. I will disappear into the masses soon. I know you. Do not search for me. You will not find me. All I wish is for you to live a long and healthy life. Ez. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and ever will. I’m sorry, my love.
Goodbye.
***
Sometimes, goodbyes come wordlessly, but he still wasn’t ready. Deep down, he knew that something had gone terribly wrong. Something didn’t feel right. He knew that Ezra was only meant to be a medic and realistically shouldn’t have been in any danger. He shouldn’t have even seen the battle. But when your stomach sinks, it sinks for a reason. The news came two weeks later.
The list of names was long, but Ezra’s stood out as if it was carved onto the parchment with blood:
Lost in battle
(Unsent)
Ezra,
I wish that I had it in me to hate you. I wish I could hate you for leaving me. Ezra, it hurts so terribly I almost can’t bear it. My chest weighs so heavily that I don’t even have the strength to rise from bed in the morning. It should have been me. God, I wish it had been me. I’m not as strong as you. I never have been. I’ve always needed you. More than anyone or anything else on this godforsaken earth. You have always been everything to me. My one and only. I fear I can’t do this without you. I have no one. Neither of us did. And now I’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to me and ever will. I need you.
See you soon.
***
She wanted to see her, more than anything. Watching her overwork herself was exhausting, and she just wanted to carry some of the load.
(Sent)
Darling,
The ocean is calm. The sunset is beautiful. I wish you would join me one of these days, instead of rotting away in your cabin. We could crack open that Bordeaux we’ve been saving. I know you’re busy, and I love how dedicated you are, but you haven’t been getting much sleep, and it’s starting to worry me. You know I trust you, and you know I love you. From the looks of it we will hit land in a few days. It’s going to be nothing but work once we reach shore. Eloise, I understand you may be nervous, but you are the best damn captain I’ve ever served under, and you’re certainly the best wife I could ask for. Let’s enjoy ourselves while we can, yeah? You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and ever will. Remind me why some time.
Come Find me <3
***
Bullets soar like birds
Fall to the earth like rain
Imbed themselves in bodies and soil
Like seeds
Seeds sowing hatred and agony and rage
Barren wasteland holding
- us. them. him. her. her. him. them. us. you.
Starcrossed
Brought together by war, torn apart by invisible borders
And trenches
And death?
Paper passed through bullet holes of comrades
And Enemies
All the same
And yet.
Here lies the ones who were different
The ones who loved
Past Present and Future
(Sent)
Elias. I’m so sorry, but I can’t wish we hadn’t met. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why. But I just know. Somehow, for some reason, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and ever will. In this life and the next.
I swear I’ll find you.
***
Late night conversations were normal for them, but tonight, something felt different. She had a feeling that the air was charged with things that couldn’t be explained.
(Sent)
From: Eden
01:24 Can I ask you something?
To: Eden
01:26 Ofc. What’s up?
From: Eden
01:26 Do you believe in reincarnation?
To: Eden
01:26 I’d like to think it’s real.
01:26 Why do you ask?
From: Eden
01:27 I think it has to be.
To: Eden
01:27 oh?
From: Eden
01:27 I mean, yeah
01:27 I just get the feeling that we’ve somehow… done this before?
01:27 Like. been us? Before.
01:29 That might sound odd, huh.
To: Eden
01:30 No nono. It doesn’t. It just surprises me cause I’ve actually had the same thought.
01:30 I just assumed that I was thinking about it too hard.
From: Eden
01:30 Hm. Maybe. I just get the feeling that you’re like
01;31 Idk it seems kinda stupid now that I’m saying it
To: Eden
01:31 No tell me. I wanna hear it
From: Eden
01:33 I just feel like you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me and ever will
To: Eden
01:33 Eden I don’t think you know how much that means to me
From: Eden
01:33 I mean it though.
01:33 And if reincarnation is real? I want us to be us every time.
To: Eden
01:33 We will be. And I’ll always find you. Every single time.
01:33 Over and over and over
01:33 I’ll be with you till we’re dust. And I’ll be always be waiting to find you
01:33 until we breathe again